Happy New Year! Sad Times,Good Times And Goodbye To 2017
I am writing this New Year's blog a day early because I will not have proper internet access for around 5 days from this afternoon. A lot has happened for me over the last 12 months - good and bad - and I will be very glad to see the back of 2017 and I will be looking forward to seeing what 2018 will bring. I hope you had a good Christmas. I got some nice presents, Perfume,chocolate,CDs,DVDs a ton of shower gel stuff,lip smackers and a book which were lovely.
I didn't have a very good start to 2017. Towards the end of January my nan was admitted to hospital for the final time and passed away just 4 days before her 97th birthday in February. I can't believe that it has almost been one year. I miss you and love you so much Nan. I always said that if anything happened to my nan then there would be nothing keeping me in Rotherham,I'd have nothing to stay there for and my decision was that I would be moving back to Berkshire. I was offered a flat in November and I viewed it in December,accepted it and have moved in. I still have some work to do with it like getting carpets for it but I am turning it into my own little sanctuary.
In July it was my 28th birthday. I have realised now that I am getting older,I am still single and want to be a mum. People I know from school are settled,married with kids and it is something I am wanting to happen for me. Maybe 2018 will be my year?
I have been clean of self harm now for one whole month as of tomorrow. My mental health has been really bad at times over the last year and I have self harmed and tried to kill myself but I am still here. I did not let my demons pull me under and I have become stronger day by day. Certain members of my so called family have seriously hurt me more than I ever though possible and it is something I can never get over.
I have made my resolutions as usual. Some of them are the same but I have included one or two new ones and I thought I would share mine with you
- Laugh out loud every day!
No matter where I am or what I am doing, if I see something funny,someone says something funny or if I get the urge to,I will laugh there and then. If I am sad then it should make me feel a little better,having laughed. This is the only resolution I have kept to over the last few years.
- Join A Gym
Now I say this a lot and I never do. I always put it off because of my back and knee pains. But this time I mean it.
- Cut down on eating'junk' food or cut out completely,stop spending money on junk food/food that never gets eaten and needs to be binned
Again, I say this a lot and I never do. But because I have gained a lot of weight recently I know it is now time to start changing my life for the better. And will need to stop wasting money on crap that I never eat and has to be chucked out. I may save some money that way.
- Get back to the recording studio to do more covers.
Something I have done before but have not been able to do in recent years. I like singing. It is very theraputic just like I find acting theraputic and something I want a career in.
- Complete my script for my short film project and get the funding
I do understand that getting funding for a self made project can be quite hard but I am going to do my best to get this done. The film is called Point Of No Return and it is telling the story of a school girl who is bullied after an accident at school and it carries on until she commits suicide - so it's quite a serious film but I have been planning and writing this for two years. Time to get it done.
- Watch many more different comedy programmes and not stick to the same ones all the time
There are a lot of comedy programmes I have not seen yet which I would love to see. Including Love Thy Neighbour,Don't drink the water,Robin's Nest etc. When I am having a bad day,mental health wise,I can watch lots of comedy. There is one in particular I will never tire of watching though and that is Mind Your Language - a comedy from the 1970s about foreign students going to night school to learn English. Apparently,MYL is 'Politically incorrect' But I don't care - I love it!
- Add to my bucket list
Lots of things I want to do in 2018 which are already on my list but I want to continue adding to them.
- Get A Tattoo
I have always wanted two or three tattoos on my arm. My sister has two, one on both wrists and they look great. But I am not very good when it comes to needles or pain....
- Stay clean of self harm and start to improve on my mental health
As I mentioned,I have been clear of self harm for one month as of tomorrow. I am hoping it stays that way. I have had mental health problems for years including depression and anxiety but I want to start getting better so I can finally start looking for jobs,go to auditions and start living life the way I did before I got sick. I want to live, I don't want to just 'exist'
FINALLY
I am and have been learning that I need to stay strong,keep fighting and move forward with life. I can't let things fester or keep things bottled up to the point where I just lose it and I end up back to the start with my mental health. I need to start looking over all my old work I did with my old mental health team and remember what I have learnt. Which includes looking at my coping strategies and using them. As I have moved,my mental health support will be transferred over to my new place.
I will be leaving 2017 behind in the past,along with all the crap that has come with it. Everyone who has hurt me is included - I am no longer giving them the chance to keep hurting me. They'll never get to me again!
I am now starting afresh with a new year,new identity/new look and a new focus - and hopefully a brand new ME!! And also a social media clearout. Ooh I feel better already for getting that all off my chest.
So I hope you all enjoy the last day of 2017 and are all getting ready to see in 2018! I will be stuffing my face and getting drunk at midnight after ringing my dad. I like a drink on New Years Eve but I tend to stay in to celebrate it. I have never kissed anyone as the clock strikes midnight which I am hoping will change for New Years Eve 2018.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! See you in 2018!!!
I didn't have a very good start to 2017. Towards the end of January my nan was admitted to hospital for the final time and passed away just 4 days before her 97th birthday in February. I can't believe that it has almost been one year. I miss you and love you so much Nan. I always said that if anything happened to my nan then there would be nothing keeping me in Rotherham,I'd have nothing to stay there for and my decision was that I would be moving back to Berkshire. I was offered a flat in November and I viewed it in December,accepted it and have moved in. I still have some work to do with it like getting carpets for it but I am turning it into my own little sanctuary.
In July it was my 28th birthday. I have realised now that I am getting older,I am still single and want to be a mum. People I know from school are settled,married with kids and it is something I am wanting to happen for me. Maybe 2018 will be my year?
I have been clean of self harm now for one whole month as of tomorrow. My mental health has been really bad at times over the last year and I have self harmed and tried to kill myself but I am still here. I did not let my demons pull me under and I have become stronger day by day. Certain members of my so called family have seriously hurt me more than I ever though possible and it is something I can never get over.
I have made my resolutions as usual. Some of them are the same but I have included one or two new ones and I thought I would share mine with you
- Laugh out loud every day!
No matter where I am or what I am doing, if I see something funny,someone says something funny or if I get the urge to,I will laugh there and then. If I am sad then it should make me feel a little better,having laughed. This is the only resolution I have kept to over the last few years.
- Join A Gym
Now I say this a lot and I never do. I always put it off because of my back and knee pains. But this time I mean it.
- Cut down on eating'junk' food or cut out completely,stop spending money on junk food/food that never gets eaten and needs to be binned
Again, I say this a lot and I never do. But because I have gained a lot of weight recently I know it is now time to start changing my life for the better. And will need to stop wasting money on crap that I never eat and has to be chucked out. I may save some money that way.
- Get back to the recording studio to do more covers.
Something I have done before but have not been able to do in recent years. I like singing. It is very theraputic just like I find acting theraputic and something I want a career in.
- Complete my script for my short film project and get the funding
I do understand that getting funding for a self made project can be quite hard but I am going to do my best to get this done. The film is called Point Of No Return and it is telling the story of a school girl who is bullied after an accident at school and it carries on until she commits suicide - so it's quite a serious film but I have been planning and writing this for two years. Time to get it done.
- Watch many more different comedy programmes and not stick to the same ones all the time
There are a lot of comedy programmes I have not seen yet which I would love to see. Including Love Thy Neighbour,Don't drink the water,Robin's Nest etc. When I am having a bad day,mental health wise,I can watch lots of comedy. There is one in particular I will never tire of watching though and that is Mind Your Language - a comedy from the 1970s about foreign students going to night school to learn English. Apparently,MYL is 'Politically incorrect' But I don't care - I love it!
- Add to my bucket list
Lots of things I want to do in 2018 which are already on my list but I want to continue adding to them.
- Get A Tattoo
I have always wanted two or three tattoos on my arm. My sister has two, one on both wrists and they look great. But I am not very good when it comes to needles or pain....
- Stay clean of self harm and start to improve on my mental health
As I mentioned,I have been clear of self harm for one month as of tomorrow. I am hoping it stays that way. I have had mental health problems for years including depression and anxiety but I want to start getting better so I can finally start looking for jobs,go to auditions and start living life the way I did before I got sick. I want to live, I don't want to just 'exist'
FINALLY
I am and have been learning that I need to stay strong,keep fighting and move forward with life. I can't let things fester or keep things bottled up to the point where I just lose it and I end up back to the start with my mental health. I need to start looking over all my old work I did with my old mental health team and remember what I have learnt. Which includes looking at my coping strategies and using them. As I have moved,my mental health support will be transferred over to my new place.
I will be leaving 2017 behind in the past,along with all the crap that has come with it. Everyone who has hurt me is included - I am no longer giving them the chance to keep hurting me. They'll never get to me again!
I am now starting afresh with a new year,new identity/new look and a new focus - and hopefully a brand new ME!! And also a social media clearout. Ooh I feel better already for getting that all off my chest.
So I hope you all enjoy the last day of 2017 and are all getting ready to see in 2018! I will be stuffing my face and getting drunk at midnight after ringing my dad. I like a drink on New Years Eve but I tend to stay in to celebrate it. I have never kissed anyone as the clock strikes midnight which I am hoping will change for New Years Eve 2018.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! See you in 2018!!!
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