My Final Post Of The Year (And The Decade)
Hello 2020! (Well almost as it isn't quite 12)
So not only is another New Year upon us but also it is a brand new decade too. Goodbye 2019 Hello 2020. I am hoping that the next 12 months will bring some happiness,luck and I would really love to be able to make some positive changes and stick them out. I make resolutions every year. I know some people do and some don't but I have and they are pretty much the same as last year but I have added a few. They are -
Join a gym
Eat much more fruit and veg and cut down on crisps and chocs
Excercise more despite my back pain,use my excercise bike much more.
Laugh out loud every single day
Find REAL love!
Get out of the flat more. Even if it is to have a walk around the block
Write a lot more. Writing is something I love to do so I would love to complete my books/scripts and maybe turn a couple into short films and act in them...meanwhile,about acting...
Get back into acting. Acting is one of my first loves and I am hoping that I will be able to take it up again at some point soon.
Make a note of songs that I like but don't know all the words to and make it my mission to learn them.
Write a list of my top 10 songs by my favourite bands then make it my mission to learn the dance routines to the song.
Try some new things
Learn to swim
Start Vlogging!
Wear more make up.
Get a provsional licence so I can learn to drive
Lose 2 stone by the first 4 months of 2020
Be brave and find the confidence to maybe join a group of interest to me so I can meet new people and work on my social anxieties. I find it so hard to make and keep new friends and I very rarely socialise so I think this could be good for me if I can make this work....
Most of all, work on getting my depression,anxiety and BPD under much better control. I have had mental health problems for over 11 years and I know they won't completely go away overnight but I want to be able to turn around and say 'You know,I feel so much better about myself and life and today I can not see any black clouds'.
I have been clean from self harm 8 months on 8th January I hope I can get it to stay that way. I know that I would LOVE my depression to get miles better. I don't think my mental health problems will ever truly go away though and I believe that I will always have them - especially my BPD but I have my meds and I can look back on my old CBT stuff to help me with it if I ever feel an episode coming on. But since taking them in May I have noticed things have become a little brighter.
I want to look in the mirror and genuinely see that I am beautiful no matter what. I want to be able to feel the emotions for real,look at my reflection and say out lout 'I am beautiful' and actually mean the damn words,not fake it like I always do. For years I felt like an outsider looking in at myself,I don't always know who or what I am meant to be. I never felt attractive or pretty or 'good enough' for anyone but in 2020 that is so going to change! I am going to makse sure I start looking at myself differently and positively.
Well,2019 was a bit rubbishy for me. I remained single,self harmed in May then had a breakdown a couple of weeks after which resulted in me being put on the medication I previously mentioned and then I hurt my back again in December while I was in Yorkshire so I had to take it easy halfway through my holiday. Before that,one of the neighbours in the communal block area of the building kept on being deliberately inconsiderate by pulling the plug for the communal TV aerial but I think our landlord has had words as it hasn't happened since me and next door reported it. I have had to report about 4 things for repair in my flat,the shower twice,a leak and the lights. And the people who are meant to be doing my gas safety check keep on letting me down and have yet again changed the appointment.Though some good came of it. I had to work with BEDS this year for my eating disorder but now I am no longer with them. I have had a problem with my left eye for the last few years as I am type two diabetic but I was told in the Summer that my eye is improving. I finally got a doctor who listens to me! And this year I turned the big 3-0! I didn't have a party or anything,just had a quiet meal with Dad.
I am optimistic that something good will happen when I least expect it. Most of all I can always say NO to things especially if I am not happy. Maybe I will find love? Maybe become a mum? My dreams coming true? Getting my book completed or my script written and turned into the short film I mentioned? Securing a new acting role somewhere? I don't know but I do know that 2020 WILL be my year! I haven't had much luck so I want that to change! I really hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas,did some great things,ate a lot,got drunk and was merry. Christmas was good for me.I got make up,perfume,chocolate,CDs and shower gels. I spent it with Dad and he loved my potatoes as usual. I also have a new stress Llama :)
Well it is almost 2020 in the UK - 23.39 - so all that remains for me to say is I hope you have a wonderful and fantastic New Year. Have fun,stay safe and see you next year. Bye bye xx
So not only is another New Year upon us but also it is a brand new decade too. Goodbye 2019 Hello 2020. I am hoping that the next 12 months will bring some happiness,luck and I would really love to be able to make some positive changes and stick them out. I make resolutions every year. I know some people do and some don't but I have and they are pretty much the same as last year but I have added a few. They are -
Join a gym
Eat much more fruit and veg and cut down on crisps and chocs
Excercise more despite my back pain,use my excercise bike much more.
Laugh out loud every single day
Find REAL love!
Get out of the flat more. Even if it is to have a walk around the block
Write a lot more. Writing is something I love to do so I would love to complete my books/scripts and maybe turn a couple into short films and act in them...meanwhile,about acting...
Get back into acting. Acting is one of my first loves and I am hoping that I will be able to take it up again at some point soon.
Make a note of songs that I like but don't know all the words to and make it my mission to learn them.
Write a list of my top 10 songs by my favourite bands then make it my mission to learn the dance routines to the song.
Try some new things
Learn to swim
Start Vlogging!
Wear more make up.
Get a provsional licence so I can learn to drive
Lose 2 stone by the first 4 months of 2020
Be brave and find the confidence to maybe join a group of interest to me so I can meet new people and work on my social anxieties. I find it so hard to make and keep new friends and I very rarely socialise so I think this could be good for me if I can make this work....
Most of all, work on getting my depression,anxiety and BPD under much better control. I have had mental health problems for over 11 years and I know they won't completely go away overnight but I want to be able to turn around and say 'You know,I feel so much better about myself and life and today I can not see any black clouds'.
I have been clean from self harm 8 months on 8th January I hope I can get it to stay that way. I know that I would LOVE my depression to get miles better. I don't think my mental health problems will ever truly go away though and I believe that I will always have them - especially my BPD but I have my meds and I can look back on my old CBT stuff to help me with it if I ever feel an episode coming on. But since taking them in May I have noticed things have become a little brighter.
I want to look in the mirror and genuinely see that I am beautiful no matter what. I want to be able to feel the emotions for real,look at my reflection and say out lout 'I am beautiful' and actually mean the damn words,not fake it like I always do. For years I felt like an outsider looking in at myself,I don't always know who or what I am meant to be. I never felt attractive or pretty or 'good enough' for anyone but in 2020 that is so going to change! I am going to makse sure I start looking at myself differently and positively.
Well,2019 was a bit rubbishy for me. I remained single,self harmed in May then had a breakdown a couple of weeks after which resulted in me being put on the medication I previously mentioned and then I hurt my back again in December while I was in Yorkshire so I had to take it easy halfway through my holiday. Before that,one of the neighbours in the communal block area of the building kept on being deliberately inconsiderate by pulling the plug for the communal TV aerial but I think our landlord has had words as it hasn't happened since me and next door reported it. I have had to report about 4 things for repair in my flat,the shower twice,a leak and the lights. And the people who are meant to be doing my gas safety check keep on letting me down and have yet again changed the appointment.Though some good came of it. I had to work with BEDS this year for my eating disorder but now I am no longer with them. I have had a problem with my left eye for the last few years as I am type two diabetic but I was told in the Summer that my eye is improving. I finally got a doctor who listens to me! And this year I turned the big 3-0! I didn't have a party or anything,just had a quiet meal with Dad.
I am optimistic that something good will happen when I least expect it. Most of all I can always say NO to things especially if I am not happy. Maybe I will find love? Maybe become a mum? My dreams coming true? Getting my book completed or my script written and turned into the short film I mentioned? Securing a new acting role somewhere? I don't know but I do know that 2020 WILL be my year! I haven't had much luck so I want that to change! I really hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas,did some great things,ate a lot,got drunk and was merry. Christmas was good for me.I got make up,perfume,chocolate,CDs and shower gels. I spent it with Dad and he loved my potatoes as usual. I also have a new stress Llama :)
Well it is almost 2020 in the UK - 23.39 - so all that remains for me to say is I hope you have a wonderful and fantastic New Year. Have fun,stay safe and see you next year. Bye bye xx
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