And today I do something quite different...A poem! But not for the easily offended

 PLEASE BE AWARE THAT MY POEMS ARE NOT FOR UNDER 16S OR ANYONE WHO FINDS SWEARING OFFENSIVE - OR ANYONE EASILY OFFENDED IN GENERAL!!

Hey everyone! So for today's blog I decided to change direction and do something different. Having taken inspiration from the brilliant Dr John Cooper Clarke, I thought about writing poems for my next blog. I have always been a creative writer. From the age of about 13 when I first started writing proper songs up until this very day. In my life I have written songs,poems,stories,short stories,scripts/plays...

One day I was boredw and I decided to try and write a poem. My first attempt was pretty rubbish so I started again and came up with a poem called I Don't know. As it says at the start of this blog, it isn't for the easily offended and for anyone who finds swearing offensive. I swear a lot so sorry :)

I don't know

I don't know why the sky is blue. I don't know why the sun is yellow. I mean, I think it's yellow, I don't know. I don't know why there is an animal called a hyena or why I never learned to drive any car, not even a ford Cortina. I don't know why Joe Wilkinson has to shout 'LET'S PLAY COUNTDOWN' when he appears on 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. I don't know. 

I don't know why Baboons arses can go bright red. I don't know what possessed me to bounce up and down on my brand new charity shop bed because it broke with me on it. I really felt like a right old tit. I don't know why they stopped making Aunt Bessies bubble and squeak. Or why there are only seven days in a week. I don't know why Dandelion and burdock,Cherryade and Iron brew put together is my favourite non alcoholic tipple. Or what posessed me to try and pierce my own nose and nipple. I don't know why my PHSE teacher wouldn't teach our class sex education. Or why my fuck buddy always wants me to meet him at the flipping train station instead of somewhere else like town. Or why I wear pyjamas now in bed and no longer wear a nightgown.

I don't know why but the song YMCA makes me wanna get on down. I don't know why but I've always wanted to visit Iceland on vacation but I don't have a passport so I can't fucking do that! I don't know why but bollocking fuck is my favourite swear or why I spray air freshner into the air and then walk under it. No, I really don't know either. I don't know why I scrape ice from the freezer then suck on it, disgusting thing to do but it cools me down. I don't know why but love bright make up and wipe it off when it turns me into a fucking clown. I don't know why but I've always found Jimmy Carr really quite fit, or why I really like the Fast Food Song or Macarena, more than just a little bit. Have you noticed? There's too much I don't know!!

If you liked my poem and would like me to write anymore, please let me know in the comments section. Please also don't leave comments saying 'Why are you swearing? I'm offended!' As those WILL be deleted. I have placed an exclaimer for a reason.

Anyway. Part two of tonight's blog (Yes there is a part 2!) will be uploaded shortly. It is basically a take of my most recent insta post - about body confidence!