A Letter To My 13 Year Old Self

This is a letter to my 13 year old self - updated.


Dear Young Emma

13 eh? You have now become a teenager. Make the most of it because you are going to wish that you were a teen again later on in life. You're going to find your life rather hard at times. You are also going to need someone to talk to when you hit the age of 24. What are you in now? Year 9? 10? Choose your GCSEs carefully as once you choose them you can't change your mind. No, you can't change your mind. Your stuck with them. And because you changed schools you can no longer do both Art and Food tech. You are only allowed to do one. 
Your adult life won't be all that bad. Some of your dreams will come true, like your dream of going to a concert or music event although you will need loads of water and to be checked out by paramedics when you nearly pass out from the hot weather. You have a rather faint pulse. And you will be going back to Rotherham aged 24. 24 will be a rather bad age for you because you will suffer some tragedy. When you are 19 you will move back down South,move into your own flat and you will be accepted onto the performing arts course, although,you had second thoughts 3 MONTHS into the course. Give it a chance woman! Don't leave. There are some people who DO like you.Like your best friend who has stuck with you through your darkest times, In 2004, when you are still 14 years old you are going to need a night in hospital for something you did,stupidly. Yes, you are still cutting yourself and being bullied but I have something to say on that matter. When you become 23, you are going to gradually stop cutting but will develop BPD. You will also stop being bullied online and people won't make any more nasty comments from the age of 24 because you are now 16st9. In 2012 you will be considered for gastric surgery but you'll decide once you reach a target you won't have it done though aged 25 you will change your mind only to find you can't have it for 2 years. There are some things that you will want to tell people but can't for fear of being judged. Things that are not your fault. Like age 19 when you meet a certain man...enough of that. Just end things with the man you are meeting on and off aged 25, you must do it. DO IT! Even if you don't really want to. In 2007 you are going to meet an upcoming star on MySpace called Pixie Lott who will be your friend until she becomes famous but will later follow you on twitter. You will de clutter your flat and get rid of over 1000 CDs and books. You are also getting help for your mental illnesses. You're going to have to give your flat up aged 23 to move in with your parents to care for your mum...months later, you must prepare yourself. It's going to be tough without her. You proved you can cope but secretly you feel rather different. I understand you do not want to talk about it to anyone. It's still too raw even now. And you have just applied for the same course you did at college but of course at Rotherham. not Newbury to get better grades and also applied for Rotherham rep. You need to prepare a monologue just incase. Do not leave it til the last minute like your audition for Barnsley College. 

You never did properly audition for Rotherham rep until 2016 and you failed. You will be disheartened but don't give up. Forgetting your lines isn't the end of the world. Your nan sadly will pass over in February 2017, just 4 days before her birthday which will affect you tremendously and certain members of your own family will eventually decide to hurt you, more than you can ever know. Your relationship will go on and off too many times and you'll eventually do the right thing. 
You will also get your first ever job! Someone at a well known fast food chain will give you a chance and you'll finally experience a real,proper job. But unfortunately 5 weeks in you will need to take time off due to illness which you are gutted about. 

I will leave you now, my 13 year old self. If only you could feel the need to talk to someone. Your mum,teachers,anyone. You're going to grow up with having quite a few issues to deal with. There is one good thing, You managed to get to a recording studio 4 times AND you was an extra in a local feature film, you sold your story to a well known mag. Good on you!

From your 28 year old future self